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When I came of age in the 1990s, authorities appeared to think that wage disparity between genders was best addressed by telling girls that no goal was out of reach. Eye-catching, vibrant pink promotions assured me that structural and social impediments would yield to my self-confidence.

Scholars have since disproven the idea that a person can transform their existence through upbeat attitudes. A writer, in his book Selfie, analyzes how the free-market ideology of the level playing field underpins much of self-help culture.

However, a portion of my mind continues to think that if I work hard and assemble a solid dream collage, I ought to realize my deepest aspirations: the single obstacle to my future is me. How do I find a harmonious middle ground, a stability between believing that I am capable of anything but avoiding self-reproach for all missteps?

The Key Resides in Self-Effacement

The resolution, according to a fourth-century philosopher, a theologian from ancient Africa, involves modesty. He stated that humility was the foundation of all other virtues, and that for those pursuing divinity “the first part is humility; the following, humility; the final, self-effacement”.

For a lapsed Catholic like me, the concept of meekness may trigger multiple adverse reactions. My upbringing occurred during a period in Catholicism when focusing on physical beauty equated to narcissism; physical attraction was unacceptable beyond reproduction; and even pondering solo sex could lead to punishment.

I don’t think that Augustine planned for this, but for many years, I mixed up “humility” with shame.

Constructive Meekness Does Not Involve Self-Loathing

Being humble, according to doctor Ravi Chandra, is not about self-loathing. A person with balanced humility takes pride in their abilities and achievements while acknowledging that learning never ends. The psychiatrist defines various types of meekness: respect for diversity; intergenerational humility; modesty in knowledge; awareness of limits; humility of skill; humility of wisdom; reverence for the sublime; and meekness during hardship.

Mental health investigations has likewise discovered multiple perks stemming from intellectual humility, such as enhanced endurance, acceptance and bonding.

Meekness in Action

During my career in spiritual support roles at senior facilities, I now think about meekness as the effort of focusing on someone else. Meekness functions as a way to reconnect: returning, step by step, to the carpet beneath my shoes and the person sitting in front of me.

There are some residents who share with me repeated tales from their lives, over and over again, every time I see them. Instead of watching the clock, I try to listen. I work to keep an open mind. What lessons are there from this human and the memories they hold onto amidst so much loss?

Taoist Serenity

I attempt to embrace the spiritual mindset which expert Huston Smith called “inventive calm”. Taoist philosophers urge individuals to silence the self and reside in sync with the natural order.

This may be highly applicable while people attempt to fix the damage our species has done upon Earth. Through her publication Fathoms: The World in the Whale, author Rebecca Giggs explains that embracing modesty helps us rediscover “the inner creature, the creature that quakes toward the unseen". Taking a position of humility, of not-knowing, helps us recall people are components of a greater entity.

The Beauty of Meekness

There exists an emptiness and hopelessness that accompanies thinking everything is possible: achievement – be it becoming wealthy, reducing size, or securing an election – becomes the only acceptable option. Modesty allows for elegance and defeat. I embrace meekness, rooted in the earth, implying all necessities are present to grow.